


Hold Fast

by meanderingsoul



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Gentleness, Hair, Late Night Conversations, New Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul
Summary: His door opened on its own with a single soft chirp, a lower tone than the standard chimes.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 28
Kudos: 65





	Hold Fast

**Author's Note:**

> This is set ambiguously post-Hunters, because that was definitely a logical possible point in the show to make a change. And while that may not have been a kiss in the blurry and inexplicable trailer, that dialogue _came from somewhere_. 
> 
> I've watched all of Voyager for the first time over the last four months (lovingly dragged in by friends) and while I took notes of ideas as I went I have finally, actually finished something. It's been something of a writing dry spell. I hope you enjoy - M

His door opened on its own with a single soft chirp in a lower tone than the standard.

They'd made the tweak in their door’s programs several weeks ago now. It was just enough to announce each other, but not usually enough to wake either one of them from a deep sleep. There wasn’t really a need for that anymore.

Sometimes Chakotay blinked awake and she was there in the bed next to him. He’d be conscious just long enough to tug her to his chest. Sometimes he’d duck into her quarters after the start of gamma shift and fit himself along her side. The way she slept with one arm flung over her head was already familiar from the house, but now he knew the soft sounds she made in her sleep when he wrapped an arm over her hips and kissed her shoulder.

Chakotay treasured that knowledge.

Tonight he’d been reading but didn't have to care if he dozed off. Reports were done. If he’d needed to take notes or finish a book borrowed he’d have stayed up in his office. This was good timing.

So he looked up with a smile when Kathryn let herself in, but she didn’t look up to notice or return it, didn’t actually say a word. She walked right over to him and ...flopped.

She just flopped forward, half across his legs onto her hands and then face down onto his belly. Her weight was awkwardly on one of her shoulders and his thigh. She was still in uniform. Her boots hung over the side of his bed.

Chakotay stared down at her for a moment and then turned the page. He hadn't actually read that far, but he could figure out where he’d been later.

“This is new,” he said.

Kathryn made an inarticulate noise of frustration. He could feel the buzz of it against his stomach, the prod of her small nose chilly through his grey shirt.

He moved to hold the book he was no longer reading with one hand instead. Sleeping was one thing, but if they were to the point in things where he could so casually be used as a pillow he was going to take full advantage.

Chakotay slid his fingers up the back of her neck and into her soft hair.

Something had shifted between them, and they were both letting it continue to change. Quiet and slow, but not unacknowledged. An _almost_ that had hurt. A _could have been_ they’d set aside, because overall it’d been for the best. A _later_ he’d realized he hadn’t actually promised her out loud until a few months ago.

Starfleet and the Federation knew they were all out here together. That first shock had taken place, along with some other ones. It might have startled Kathryn, but asking about the status of the Maquis onboard was far from the most hostile message that could have come from headquarters. He was choosing to take it as a good sign, at least enough of one to make all this a risk worth taking.

Kathryn could have talked herself back out of something impulsive, so Neelix’s interruption had been for the best too. She’d been more hurt by her letter than she wanted to be, and he’d still been in shock far more than he wanted to think about. She may have brought it up that night in her ready room, but it wasn’t the right moment.

Still, it would have been very, very hard to take back that they’d both been leaning in for a kiss. She hadn’t asked them to.

Now it was a matter of redefining the boundaries they’d learned to live with, or maybe more the exploratory phase of the research. How much more of a relationship could they really manage? How much before it’s them causing discontent among the crew, before they drag a personal issue with them onto the bridge? Those might be more clearly Kathryn’s anxieties than the ones that still lingered in his mind, but they still had to be sure.

They’d find out eventually. There was still plenty of time. Chakotay had found out already that he’d underestimated what a relief it would be all on its own, just to not have to pretend in private anymore that they didn't want each other.

She finally spoke. "This cannot possibly be new to you. You have the perfect belly for it."

He’d have to think about those things some other time - that she seemed convinced he’d had this kind of easy intimacy before and that his stomach was apparently perfect for something. “Hate to disappoint, but you’re the first.”

Kathryn huffed in disgust. "What a waste."

Chakotay couldn't help laughing. She grumbled when it moved her, but then rubbed her cheek on him hard, went limp again. He rubbed little circles into the small muscles at the base of her hairline, felt her sigh through the flex of her ribs along his thigh and the warmth of her breath on his stomach.

It settled warm in his chest, this kind of contentment he hadn’t known he was capable of for so long, that he’d felt so briefly before. To be in this moment, body and spirit, without second guesses or doubts or feeling out of place.

Chakotay let the book drop to the bed and closed his eyes, focused on the slide of her hair between his fingers. He pushed his fingertips up against the grain, slower when he felt the catch of a tangle, thought about preening.

Social grooming behaviors varied wildly among all species, but there were always similar themes - doing for someone what they couldn’t so easily do for themselves. These could be the gestures a culture expected someone to provide for their partner or more physically determined things, like how pair-bonded birds on earth preened the feathers the other couldn’t reach.

For them, that all probably had more to do with how frequently these days he dug the heal of his hand in against the knot that lived under her shoulder blade. That elective on haptic behaviors in verbal and nonverbal species he’d taken at the Academy had always been useful, but its terminology likely spent too much time in his head.

“So, what drove you to take such drastic action today?”

“This is drastic?” she said with some disbelief.

Now he was wondering how drastic action would actually look. “Like I said, first time anyone’s ever resorted to hiding their face in my stomach.”

He ran a heavy palm over the back of her head and down to her shoulder, smoothing her hair back into place. Kathryn let out a longer sigh. She sounded tired.

“Just one of those days,” she mumbled. “Nothing I wanted to see on long range sensors, nothing interesting either. That same damn gel pack for the secondary computer core is acting up again, but it’s nothing major so I can’t justify replacing it yet. And there were _more_ signatures on the request to re-stain cargo bay 2 which you forwarded to me _again_ and I’m considering just saying yes at this point.”

Chakotay stroked over her hair again on autopilot. He'd expected some lighthearted tidbit, not complete honesty. Kathryn didn't like to admit to everyday frustrations any more than she did major ones.

They needed to find an M or L class planet they could gather foods and higher-grade organic materials from soon. It was quickly moving from _urgent_ to _very urgent_. The stasis barrels were getting low and the replicator system balance was back in the orange. Restricted rationing was in their very near future. But it was late, and these were not new problems.

“We've approved other cosmetic alterations that aren't standard,” he replied lightly.

“I know, but the entire cargo bay! Floor, walls, and ceiling! It’s only half hydroponics in there anyways, not a conservatory.” One of her hands gestured blindly near his hip.

“You let me repaint my office after just a month.” It wasn’t actually _paint_ they used to change the finish on the metal of course, but he’d been surprised at the time when his late-night, flippant response to a polite question had only gotten _what color?_ in return.

“That's different.”

Of course it was. “Neelix and I both agree it’s a good idea. With a more M-class coloration in the bay and some seating, that space becomes another option for leisure time without much change to storage capacity. We already have some members of the crew who go there to read.”

“Hmmph.”

Chakotay grinned at the top of her head. If she didn’t sign off on it tomorrow, she would the next time. Then he could move on to convincing her she should join Lang and Harper to help paint.

She was getting heavier against him, her breathing slowing. He could let the book slide to the floor, take her boots off once she was out cold. If he told the computer which alarms he wanted in the other room it wouldn’t wake her. “You can sleep,” he murmured.

Her arm pressed a little tighter around his hip. “I shouldn't.”

“Do you want to stay?" That was the real question. The answer to whether Kathryn should sleep or not was always yes.

“Yes,” she said simply. “But we're both on alpha shift tomorrow, better not. And I still need a shower.”

He didn’t ask twice. Chakotay still tried to avoid that. There were enough demands on them both already and being able to just _ask_ was still new enough. “For the record, I liked you fine covered in dirt.”

Like wasn’t the right description. He didn’t have anything tangible to hold onto, but the image of her with dirt up to her elbows, shoving him in the chest and laughing had turned into something he used to ground himself anyway.

“Please. Nothing worse than something gritty in the bedding,” she said and pushed herself up onto her hands with a groan.

It was a clumsy shuffle to get back to her feet, knees too close to shins and he could tell she was trying not to touch his bed with her shoes. Chakotay got up with her, reached out to rub his thumb over her cheek. Looking up at him, her eyes were half-open at best.

Chakotay stepped into her, lowered his lips to her temple and nose in her hair. Salt sweat and the acrid scent of space that permeated their ship, some sweet scent underneath that had faded. “Please go to sleep.”

“Mmhm,” she replied, both hands against his chest when she leaned up to kiss him.

Logically, he knew she was just as likely now to wake back up in the shower, or get distracted by reading something, or have an idea and set something up to run analysis through the main computer before she finally slept as she’d been before. Unless he was physically in the bed with her there was very little effect he could have on that.

He knew that, but it was still easier getting to kiss her goodnight and hope for the best than it’d been to do the same thing without touching her. It was nice though, that the crooked little smile goodnight was exactly the same as always.

The ship still had the thrum of steady warp 5, but his quarters seemed quiet now. He dimmed the lights, gave in and got ready for bed. The book had tangled in the blanket.

Chakotay smiled when he laid down. The mattress was still warm from her under his feet.


End file.
